Period cravings + PMS + postgraduate stress = DYING (NOT literally~)

Aaaaaaaaargh!! I have so many things to settle right now! My studies are just taking such a toll on me! (This is what I get for having a perfectionist supervisor..It isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I am truly blessed having a really proactive lecturer as my postgraduate supervisor. But the pressure to have everything perfect is just too much at times.

In addition to that, my PMS symptoms are starting today. Cravings are at an all-time high! Dang it! There goes my diet~~ The one thing I crave the most every single time my period comes around is my favourite dark chocolate: Ferrero Rondnoir <3

It has been ages since I was able to taste them (the chocolate shop at 1 Borneo has closed down & that was my one & only source of imported chocolates that were the closest to my university) & I was lucky enough to grab a few during my latest trip to Labuan. Yippie!!

Okay, this post is going all over the place. From stress to PMS to chocolates. Hee~ Yup, I am random like that. Deadpool & I would probably be good friends...Err...Maybe not.

To end this post, here is a shot of my favourite chocolate & the result of a quick online quiz (Don't judge! I was stressed & needed something to lighten up my mood!) which I got that made me super happy :3

XoxO~~

CookieVelxie


Random Q&A Post~ Got this from Tumblr..

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
Hmm, I think it started when I was in my second year of my undergraduate degree :)

  • 02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
??? Err..I guess my stomach(?) Since I have some form of a minor irritable bowel syndrome..I always have problems going to the toilet..:(

  • 03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
Nothing really. I blacked out the moment the lights went off. LOL.

  • 04: what are you listening to?
Currently at the moment?? Just Kidding Party's Mad Game game ft. Gina Darling on YouTube.

  • 05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
Meeting my SV. LOL. *Sweatdrops*

  • 06: where do you think your best friend is right now?
Mm..Here..Hee..

  • 07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
I don't kiss & tell! *wink, wink*

  • 08: sex on the first date?
Hells NO!! That is just naaaaaaaasty =.= You don't even know who the guy/girl is yet..

  • 09: kiss on the first date?
Err..Nah..I think it is a bit too forward. Buuut..A quick peck on the cheek is decent IF it does happen (if the moment is right).

  • 10: is there one person you want to be with right now?
Of course! (But I am already with 'em :3)

  • 11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
Yup! Somewhat :D

  • 12: is there something you would like to say to someone?
Mm..Not really..Too many scenes going through my mind that I can't think of any one.

  • 13: what are three things you did today?
Err..It's only 8.25 right now so...Woke up, showered, had breakfast?

  • 14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
Sleep over at a friend's house.

  • 15: what is your favorite kind of gum?
Tutti fruity!

  • 16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
Mmm..Yup.

  • 17: what is on your wrists right now?
My jacket sleeves? O.o

  • 18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
Yup..A couple of times actually. Eeeexcept this time :3

  • 19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?
Hee~ *wink, wink*

  • 20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Yes. Sadly..

  • 21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?
Yup. A lesson learnt in life~

  • 22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?
Just "A", "E", "I", "J", "M" & "N"..*sigh*

  • 23: how have you felt today?
Anxious..Uneasy..Lazy..

  • 24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
Probably on food..Or clothes..

  • 25: what is wrong with you right now?
I am too much of a procrastinator :'(

  • 26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
Myself.

  • 27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
I've never had jamba juice & I need a pick me up at the moment..So a cuppa sounds great right now.

  • 28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
Too many problems & I guess the heart just wants what the heart wants. And when it don't want something, it is just as adamant. :) No bashing though~

  • 29: how late did you stay up last night and why?
Err..I blacked out at around 11, I think? I don't it is real late though.

  • 30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
Just a couple of minutes ago. Hehe *grins*

  • 31: what were you doing an hour ago?
Having my breakfast.

  • 32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?
Finishing up my preliminary studies :( Gotta get it done by next month. July I gotta start the second phase..huhuu~

  • 33: are you wearing jeans right now?
Yesh!

  • 34: are you a patient person?
Somewhat :) I can take a whole lot & not blow up immediately. It takes a lot to get me to go all She-Hulk on anyone. I think in all 24 years, I have only truly blew up 4 times :)

  • 35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
No duh! Definitely!

  • 36: favorite color?
PURPLE!! Then red, beige/cream (nude colours). And any other colour after that.

  • 37: did you have a dream last night?
Nope. I RARELY have dreams anymore. I just black out & the next thing I know, my alarm is blaring.

  • 38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans.

  • 39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
Hubshubs!! Though Tom Hiddleston don't sound too bad~ Hehe..Whoopsie~~

  • 40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?
Err...Yeeeeah...Hubshubs?

  • 41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yes. Because I am an awfully dense person when it comes to my own relationships. I will never get it unless you spell it out to me; right to my face! Huu~

  • 42: do you like meeting new people?
I do! But I am quite bashful so I tend to be very quiet & reserved when meeting new people.

  • 43: are you afraid of falling in love?
Nope :) We gotta spread the love people!

  • 44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?
Nope. I hate pain. LOL.

  • 45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes. Surprisingly. 

  • 46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
All the time :')

Revamping my life.

Ollo~~

Since the very last time I was here I have gained a ton of weight. Like, I regained all the weight that I lost. After the outburst earlier, I finally realized what it was that caused me to do that - self-hating.

I guess being very much alone at a place that I am supposed to call home does things to your emotions & food, being my only refuge & escape, was the only thing I could turn to. Eating my troubles away & eating to ebb the pain. I became my biggest enemy.

So starting tomorrow, I'm gonna start taking care of my diet again. Gonna restart my aerobics routine & I am giving myself 2 months before I weigh & measure myself. I hope I can do well this time :) 

Starting date: 27 April 2015
Due date: 28 June 2015

I am hoping to at least lose 8-10 kg & 2-3 inches of my waist (all from my regaining the weight). I was 51.5 kg & 24.5 inches at my lightest. So I aim to be at least 55 kg & 25 inches by June 2015. Wish me luck! <3


XOXO,

Velx.

Hiatus - Pained.

I just have been experiencing a ton of shitty things in life since the last time I was here. To be honest, I think I have outgrown a ton of petty things..I'd rather let bygones be bygones than to nitpick every single thing & start barking like a mad dog at useless & time-wasting issues. But some things are just much too much.........

Life at home ain't looking so good..I thought I could take it without big sis or lil bro around but I was wrong. Everything pisses me off lately yet I still plaster a smile on my face; nobody needs to know, right? But that has been taking a toll on me..Overall I feel like a broken doll. It is true then what people (including my own aunt) say about being a middle child; it is the hardest! As much as I want to just up & disappear & to do my own thing, I can't. This stupid sense of filial piety, I guess, just keeps me from doing so..

Fuck it. My life is screwed up anyway..I already know big sis ain't ever coming back; she managed to escape the "perfect prison" & if I were her, I would do the same - leave & never look back. Lil' bro is also on the road to shutting everyone out & not giving a damn about them anymore. He just does as he pleases now & I only wish that I had the courage. I can still recall the heart-to-heart that he had with me & the words he said, "Why? Why do you care & how can you stand it?? I can't. Maybe you can. Or maybe you can still pretend but I can't take it anymore. The moment I can, I am gone." Mind you, he was about 15-16 at that time. To scar a child (I still think teens are children as they are at their most vulnerable state - mind-wise at least) to the point of them wanting to leave home behind is definitely speaking volumes on how the home is actually like; despite the picturesque image you put out there.

This is the first time I truly went all out, no smokes & mirrors, just plain, clear, raw insight to how emotionally-disturbed my life has been all these years. Big sis has it worse than me but I am beginning to crack under the unbearable pressure being placed on me since no one else is around. Life sucks. Sure, I have a roof over my head, a ton of food, a relatively easy life & am healthy, but mentally & emotionally, I am wrecked. Destroyed. Crushed. Broken. Probably the main reason why I have an excellent poker face for all sorts of situations. My face will never portray my true feelings as my heart has probably closed off a lot more than I assumed in the last few years. Perhaps the next couple of years will be last I stay here. The moment I have done paying my dues (which I actually have already done so by getting the friggin' bachelor's degree that is worth much more to my dad than my well-being & happiness) I will disappear. I am at my breaking point but hey, the people around me won't know..All I have to do is put a smile on my face & pretend everything is peachy as always, :) right, mum & dad? Now aren't you proud? :)


XOXO,


Velx.



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