My true self?

Hmm...To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I should write about here. Haha. I mean, lately I've been very confused over a couple of things. I don't usually share my true self with many around me for fear of getting hurt. I don't pain be it emotional or physical. So i put up this shell or barrier around me, putting up a tough front so that people won't get close to me to hurt me. Huhu. I've always been this way ever since I was a kid. Having to pretend to smile at home in front of my family members even though inside I just felt like dying :( .

I guess growing up holding myself back from really letting my feelings out really made me into quite a sombong person to some. Haha. I've said it before that many of my friends' first impressions of me were sombong. Or stuck up. Gosh. I must be terrible around people for them to think that way. Haha. Only a handful of people will truly know how I actually am; which is very manja! Nyaa~!! A bad habit of mine that I'm still trying to change now...huu..

It's tough, especially when you grow up not really getting the love and attention that every child needs. Haha. Hmm. It's not really that funny but I prefer laughing it off than crying over it :). I didn't mean that my parents didn't love me but I was the only one that needed to do something to get their attention. Sure, big sis felt that way too. But she had my aunt and grandparents spoiling her growing up. My brother always had my parents spoiling him. So where does that leave me? Err, nowhere? Haha.

I guess my aunt was right. She told me once while fetching me home from school that being the middle child is always the loneliest. You will be the least loved since you are stuck in the middle; not as important as the first, and not as precious as the last. She had tears in her eyes when she told me that and her advice to me was just live your life and love yourself. God will be there for you :'). I still hold onto those words til now~

I don't blame anyone though. I mean I grew up perfectly fine (and pretty privileged actually, XD). So I have no complaints I guess. But I do know that that is also the reason why I get very manja around people that I trust. My besties know that and there are certain things that I cannot tolerate because of my manja-ness. LOL. Even Momo knows about it now. Oops! Hehe..Sorry baby, I guess I shocked you huh? ^^. That is also the reason why I don't like being ignored. Gosh. I am complicating things. I should stop here. Haha~ XD Sorry for the extremely long post~ I was feeling a little emo today~


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